No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
