After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the condom got lost in my hair
i think i have two assholes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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