dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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