Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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