new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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