I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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