cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
