remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
