ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
