we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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