You can't motorboat a personality
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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