my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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