i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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