HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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