Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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