you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
