I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
