I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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