pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize