You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
