So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
