If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
