community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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