Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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