Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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