I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
love makes seman taste better
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
