Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize