We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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