How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
