and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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