i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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