: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
