Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
