Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
