I've blown a few things in my day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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