Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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