I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
