Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize