know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
