My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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