I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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