I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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