when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
