I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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