I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
