it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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