what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
