I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
