just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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