Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
