In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
