He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
