Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
