Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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