covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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