Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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