I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
