Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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