"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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