When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
