You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
