Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
