my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
