Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
