Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
organizing the empties. That sober.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
