So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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