i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
