If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
