yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
